Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
