i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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