I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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