I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
