I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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