I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
