i just had sex bonerless
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
