one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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