Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
