You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
