You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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