i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
