Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you had me at cake vodka
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
