I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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