I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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