What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
