I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
