A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
