I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
