i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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