thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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