My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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