Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
