You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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