Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
