You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
