It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How does one acquire holy water?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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