and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
