you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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