There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
