Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
