She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
