yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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