You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
