I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
