Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
