While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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