Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
