i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She needs sedatives and a leash
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
