oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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