I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
