that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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