I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
