I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
