the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
