I wish my penis had an off switch
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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