they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
