I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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