He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
