dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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