I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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