dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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